i’m giving you a hand job but (i told you) i’m not what you want me to be. when you come all vulnerable etc you look me in the eyes like
“why are you looking at me like that?”
do i congratulate you?
I say
“No reason.”
fascinated at his world without consequence.
he wants to be loved but he also wants to feel powerful enough to come inside of an 18 year old (he doesn’t use condoms). he says ‘the only way I want to hear about a baby is if it’s mine and we’re keeping it.’ but you’re also kindof having fun – your friends feel sorry for you.
he says he loves you and then gives you his leftovers for dinner and free alcohol (tells you which wine is which) you didn’t ask for so you owe it to him to love him too. you’re ‘liberated’ so you didn’t assume he was getting you drinks to lay some claim to ownership.
he’s just a little messed up because people assume he has something interesting to say, - you want to
be pretty and dumb.
He always wants you. He ignores your obvious hesitation, so you can’t just say no. He’s somehow always there to fuck when you’re horny or lonely, and you wonder if that’s not just his duty as a man.
He’s simple, pretends he’s no frills, works with his hands.
he’s your brother or your dad or your friend and he demands to know absolutely everything about who hurt you/who took advantage of you/who put a baby in you that made you never want the cock and never want a baby so he can get angry and make it all about himself.
Your mom says you should let him help. Should you ask him if you have to?
He always lets you talk.
his love life could be so easy it’s unintelligent that he doesn’t understand.
confusing being high on free coke with caring about him for a second, and feeling somewhat
like an idiot. then you get scared that maybe he’s insane. or going to give you aids, or something else really scary. something bad should’ve happened by now.
you wanna be a tease and a total prostitute and always horny and really good at sex while you’re still young enough, before you’re old enough to know (or to blame). you came your first time cause you’ve been doing kegals since you were 12 – that’s impressive. you’re turned on by the idea of grownups getting turned on by you and your friends and you want them to show you the real world.
you want it to try to mess with you like you’ve assumed it will but never truly felt. you get off to memories where he holds you down and fucks you, when you were 17 and gave head to a cab driver, that video on slutload of the passed out girl getting fucked at a party – you want to know where that horniness comes from – then feel guilty when you cum. you want to be one of those girls. you want them to want to touch themselves, and want to be you like you want and want to be the other girls.
;)